


Wet Moss is Fucking Disgusting

by StrawhatsAndDelibirds



Category: One Piece
Genre: M/M, short robes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-12 01:09:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4459511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrawhatsAndDelibirds/pseuds/StrawhatsAndDelibirds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The cook, he screams And then in a quiet, fearful whisper, he says "Not the four sword style." Luffy continues to be a menace to the people he cares about in indirect ways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wet Moss is Fucking Disgusting

This whole outing was just so boring. He got that Robin was off with Chopper looking at books and stuff, but was he really the only person that could do this for her? Shopping was so boring, and they weren’t even looking at cool things. He was just stuck in some ladies underwear store as Nami bought more underwear. He wasn’t really one for underwear in the first place, but some of this stuff looked like it was made to be uncomfortable. He didn’t even want to know what even half the stuff that wasn’t underwear was. It just made him think of that jailer back in Impel Down.

But Nami had him on a tight leash today. No wandering off for this captain, instead he was stuck carrying the bags. Though he could see why Sanji and Brook couldn’t do this. Sanji would be dead and Brook would be more dead than usual. Especially if they saw the one that was just strings. He also saw why Franky wasn’t allowed in here either, returning to the point that one of them was just strings.

But even if he was the only one in this situation that could do it, Luffy wasn’t any less bored. He didn’t care about panties or bras, so there was really nothing he could do but be mildly disturbed as he watched the probably bachelorette party giggle and test out the weird crops, and to smack the middle of all the things that were hanging.

Surprisingly enough, a few of them actually felt kinda cool. He thought about it. He did still have some allowance left. Who said he couldn’t get it? He was a captain with his own money and could do whatever he wanted (so long as he didn’t wander off or lose Nami).

__

All he wanted was one day of peace. The ladies were well taken care of already, and the day had already been so promising for at least as close as it came to peace on the ship as Franky had been working on something and was now showing it off, the moss head was finally taking a bath, and his lovely ladies were enjoying the sun with some drinks that he’d check if they needed any refills later. He could have easily had a nice relaxing afternoon in his kitchen working on some new recipes before he had to start working on supper.

Oh but things were never that easy.

“Hey cook. Where’s the booze?” Two questions came to mind as the damp moss head came in and disrupted his peace. Why couldn’t he have a nice afternoon without someone bugging him? And what the shit was Zoro wearing?

He stared at the swordsman in disbelief as he wore what he could only describe as a cocktail dress of a robe. It’s silky black fabric only kind of covered him, and what was covered was only barely so, as it clung to his damp skin as if hanging loose for even a second would mean sure death. At least other than how tightly it clung, it did leave a little to the imagination as his eye ventured a further south to view the whole outfit.

Though his swords were still at his side. He couldn’t really decide if it was stupid or if he was glad because they gave a little bit of censorship to the whole ensemble.  Not to mention that they didn’t really clash with the whole black and green, nor the floral design of the robe he was almost positive was lingerie. But whether or not it all matched didn’t matter and he had no idea why he was focusing on it so much. It’s not like it mattered, even if it didn’t, it wouldn’t have stopped that dumbass from wearing it.

That fucker wasn’t wearing else under it either. That shitfucker was just wearing it as he went back to the men’s quarters to change. So why the hell was he here and not trying to get dressed?!

“I know its weird seeing what a real man looks like, but could you stop drooling and just tell me where the booze is? We wouldn’t have to do this every time if you just kept it in one spot.” He grumbled, as if he was the one who was wronged in this situation.

“As if I’d drool over a muscle head like you, moss-for brains. And I’ll have you know I’m twice the man you’ll ever be. And get out of my kitchen, you’re dripping everywhere and making a mess. He knew that arguing would only make it worse, but part of him also said that arguing would make this less weird because they always argued and maybe he could forget what was actually happening right now.

“I dunno, you seemed pretty enamoured before, love cook.”

“Where’d you learn a word like that. You want a gold star now or something? Now why don’t you piss off and let me cook in peace.”

“Well give me some booze and I’ll leave.”

“Maybe I’ll consider it when you put some pants on.”

“Why? It distractin ya, Dartboard Brow?”

“Well don’t start bitching when you get something hot on you. I’d say something about you never being in a kitchen when someone’s working, but I’m guessing a fucking savage like you hasn’t.”

“That just makes me think that you have the booze back there.” Zoro started to take a step forward towards the threshold of the dining room and the kitchen.

“Don’t you dare bring that crusty ass of yours into my kitchen.” He warned, his warning kick block easily by Zoro’s still sheathed sword.

“You’ve probably had worse in here, and have probably done worse in here.” That warranted a second kick, quickly followed by a third. Both were blocked.

“What was that you shitty moss head?!” More kicks were thrown, soon the swords were drawn and the sparring session started right over the threshold of the two rooms. Blades met foot, and foot met blade. No damage was done as they continued their stalemate as the two evenly matched fighters seem to be able to read the other’s moves perfectly.

That was until the robe started to move as the swordsman did. That was where Sanji drew the line. He quickly dashed back.

“Alright fine. You win. I can deal with three sword style, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to put up with four sword style. Beer’s in the cabin by the sink.” Sanji grumbled, leaning against the counter, lighting up a cigarette.

“Down here?” Zoro asked, walking in and bending over.

\--

There was a scream that could be heard from the deck. Everyone stopped, and counted who was there. The girls were both there so that meant.

“Sanji’s spider scream!” Luffy yelled, turning to Usopp.

“I did it last time. You do it.” Usopp said, crossing his arms. Luffy groaned and got up from his spot.

“Fine, but don’t do anything cool until I get back.” He said, looking back at Franky. Once he got the thumbs up, he went straight for the kitchen.

Upon entering, Sanji was neither on the counter, nor on a chair. He was huddled over in a ball in the kitchen, and Zoro was seated at the table with a beer.

“Hey Zoro, what happened to Sanji?”

“He couldn’t take how much of a man I was.”  Luffy looked over the counter again. That was the face of a man who seen some shit. He knew his crew well enough to know that this was just Sanji being a baby.

“Kay. Hey you’re wearing the robe I got you! Isn’t it comfy?!”

“Yeah, you sure picked out a good one, captain.” He beamed at the compliment, but it was short lived as soon it seemed like Sanji was feeling better.

“You… You did this. You’re responsible for everything that I saw today.” Sanji growled, anger filling every word with venom. Unfortunately for the cook, the rubber man had developed a complete immunity to venom and poison in general.

“Well they didn’t have blue. They just had green, red, and orange. So it sucks to be you.” Sanji thought about this for a moment. Orange meant that Nami had one. And if Nami had one that meant-

“Hey if you’re wearing yours I’ll go put mine on!” How he tried to ignore the fact that Luffy said red.  That meant he was going to have to deal with this twice as much as he previously thought. At the very least he could still look forward to seeing Nami in it. It was a shame that both of those barbarians had no shame and would probably just end up sprawled across the deck in only that.

“That’s it! No meat for a month!”

“WHAT! THAT’S NOT FAIR!”

“LIFE ISNT FAIR SHIT HEAD!”


End file.
